My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
