I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
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