the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
