I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We need to get me chipped asap
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
