The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
