I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
