pop tarts are not kleenex
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
