my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
