i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
