is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
