life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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