I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
