That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
