Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
