Well apparently he's into motor boating.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
