My nipple is on Facebook.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
