He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
