i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my liver is dry heaving
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
