do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
