This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
