I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
