But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
