i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
