I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
