we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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