that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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