You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
