It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
