and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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