I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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