Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
