so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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