Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
