so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
