Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
