i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
