I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
