so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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