Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize