Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
