Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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