Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
