omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
