does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
