thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
