Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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