Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he thought i was a dude.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize