I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
