Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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