There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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