my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
