My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
