I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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