Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
