there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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