Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
