he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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