i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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