all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
