I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
