what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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