I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
