He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
