I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
