If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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