i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
