Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
