Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
