He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
