I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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