I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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