So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
