I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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