Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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