Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
