i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
