Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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