I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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