Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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